I’m Fat!

1 Aug

ACME Darth Vader CPAP

The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem. Ok here’s my problem – I’m fat. I never thought it really was a problem, even after I started taking the cholesterol pills. Even after I was put on a CPAP machine. Even after my wife said “Matt I love you but I would be more attracted to you if you were a little lighter…OK tons lighter”. Even after my neighbor said “AAAARRRGHH” after I took my shirt off. Even after I nearly broke the scale hitting a record breaking three hundred pounds at the Doctors office.

What finally got me thinking about loosing weight? Facebook photos. Someone posted a few photos of me and I thought, “Good God! I look like the Goodyear blimp on Steroids!” When I opened that Facebook photo on my computer I swear my laptop got heavier.

I’ve finally decided that if I’m going to survive the next ten years I need to burn off some excess weight Biggest Looser style. I’m going to start by keeping a journal. I’m going to poor all my thoughts and feelings, good and bad into this Blog and burn some fat finger calories typing it.

It’s time to loose this fat so fast I make Jarrod from Subway my bitch. Richard Simmons will come to me for workout videos and Jenny Craig will jump on board my weight loss program.

If my first step to getting help is admitting I have a problem my second step is stepping away from this couch I’m lounging in. Actually right now I kind of have to roll out of this couch so we’ll keep working on step two. But it’s a start and I feel better already.


2 Responses to “I’m Fat!”

  1. Sista August 3, 2011 at 3:51 pm #

    This is the BEST BLOG EVVVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Thanks for always making me giggle! 🙂

  2. Amy Doran September 6, 2011 at 12:53 pm #

    You are hilarious and a very talented writer!!

    Best of Luck to you! It’s very hard to change your lifestyle. I’ve lost 30 pounds, but it took a divorce and very hard work to do it. I still work hard (running & biking when I can). But I LOVE FOOD!!! I love love LOVE calories – which is why it’s so hard. But I refuse to have a life with unnecessary baggage anymore.

    Keep up finding new motivations! Your wife and kids are worth it!! ;]

    Your cousin – Amy

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